As any parent will know only too well, there is usually a big difference between what a baby or toddler actually needs and what is they want. Therefore, the key is being able to distinguish between the two, so as not to set one up for a very difficult life.
Understanding What Babies or Toddlers Need – Maslow's Hierarchy
An easy way of being sure the needs of a baby or toddler are being met, is to take a look as Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Maslow believed that various needs had to be met for an individual to feel complete, with physiological needs at the base, followed by safety needs and social needs. In Baby & Toddler Sleep Solutions for Dummies (John Wiley & Sons, 2007), Arthur Lavin and Susan Glaser recognise what babies need from their parents or caregivers, as follows:
- Food (on demand at first, at regular intervals later)
- Love, cuddles, rocking, gentle touching
- Sound of parental voice
- Safety
- Bedtime routine
- Security
- Interaction to develop language
- Stimulation
- Consistent caregivers to develop trust
- Attachments/bonding
- Medical care
- Diaper (nappy) changes when needed
If even one or two of the child's needs listed above are not fulfilled, it can have serious implications for the child's mental and/or physical health and development. The authors state that various research studies on children left in relative isolation have shown that without interaction children are unable to develop language skills.
Distinguishing Between What Children Need and Want
One of the greatest challenges as a parent is working out how to distinguish between what a child actually needs and what a child wants. Having looked at what a child needs, Lavin and Glaser identify what a child is likely to want, as follows:
- Constant attention from mum and/or dad.
- Inappropriate objects to play with (remote controls, dog food).
- Inappropriate/dangerous actions (poking sockets, climbing stairs).
- Power (over the rest of the household).
- Everything else baby desires (and right now!).
While babies and younger toddlers may be very vocal about what it is the feel they absolutely need right away, it is the parent who has to be clear and consistent about whether a want is actually a need or not. Failure to set boundaries in the early days is not a good option, with this simply resulting in storing up much trouble and battles for the future.
As highlighted above, while children need love, routine, security, health-care and interaction, they will typically want constant attention and lots of inappropriate things or actions. Parents must learn to distinguish between what a child wants and needs and be consistent, for the sake of both the child and the rest of the family.
Source:
Lavin, A. & Glaser, S. Baby & Toddler Sleep Solutions for Dummies. Chichester: John Wiley & Sons, 2007.
Kate Le Page - Kate Henning-Le Page writes about eating disorders, body image and recovery issues. She specializes in anorexia recovery.
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